When I first found out I would be writing this column, what came to my mind immediately was Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex In The City” and that I would have to buy some new shoes. I should start by introducing myself. I’m a mother of three; I have a 12, 11 and 6 year old and I am a stand-up comic. My first 2 kids are only 15 months apart and the third came 5 years later, I didn’t wait 5 years on purpose I was just too tired to have sex. After becoming a mom I felt like I had to get to know myself again.
As women we go through a lot, our bodies, our psyche and our image of ourselves. I gained 80lbs with each of my pregnancies, yep, I weighed over 200lbs! By all standards I should have given birth to an eight year old. When my milk came in, I couldn’t believe how gigantic they became over night (my husband was pleased but he didn’t have to carry them around). I began to have fun with them though, I discovered I had a good 8 foot firing range, I had my own built in milk gun so to speak, my husband would bug me and I’d shoot my breast milk at him. Did you ever find yourself doing this? When your baby first starts eating rice pabulum and you’re so exhausted you just lean over the counter and squirt in your milk,(that image wasn’t in any of the books I read) it’s very sexy.
Making love after you have a baby is interesting, with the lights off of coarse. There is nothing like being on all fours and the shock of feeling your stomach hit the bed. All I am thinking is “suck it in, it won’t suck in!”
Enjoy your big leaky breasts and your voluptuous body. Have fun going shopping and not having a clue what size you are, It took you 9 months to put on the weight give yourself nine months to take it off. And most importantly accept where you are; don’t feel guilty about where you’re not.